The excess need for approval, the fear of rejection and abandonment. Does this sound familiar? When my parents passed less than 3 years ago I really felt the pull of emotional dependency. I had no idea that I had spent most of my adult life thus far on this rollercoaster. The fog is now lifting and I am starting to see clear patterns to who I am and as to why. I have been in full blown dependency mode since 19. I became the matriarch of my family at 19. I have made so many financial, mental and physical decisions for the family I was fried , literally. A therapist told me several years back that I was on the bottom of the ocean floor fighting for the last breath! Wow! what an analogy and a perfect one for me since I am a water girl. Sacrificing most personal needs to make sure everyone else is taking care of and prioritizing their happiness over anything else is absolutely exhausting and another sign of emotional dependency.
Lacking boundaries, yep that's me, loss of individuality, yep that's me and resentment. There are many burdens and strains that come with the impact of a negative relationship and I have many of these unhealthy constraints.
I want to share with you strategies I have been personally working on to help with becoming more healthy mentally, physically and financially.
Methods to help improve Emotional Dependency:
Develop a strong sense of self-worth and self-identity.
I am in the process of discovering myself. I am striving to recognize my unique qualities. How can I determine my identity? I achieve this through journaling. Writing down my thoughts allows me to release negativity and set goals to strive for. I journal most days, and transferring my thoughts from my mind to paper is beneficial for managing my ADHD as well.
Build healthy relationships with boundaries.
Over the years, I had filled my void by surrounding myself with anyone who I could be "friends" with. This conduct can be severely detrimental to our mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. It drains the life out of you! Now, I make a conscious effort every day to envision how I want my life to be in the future. I make healthier choices by telling myself that I cannot do this event right now but, I can do this instead...ie:
I am able to attend the annual dinner, but I can simply join for the social hour and then depart, rather than dedicating three hours to an event that I must be present at.
Practice self-care and self-compassion
Engaging in self-care can be challenging, hence the term "practice." Personally, I dislike practicing anything! However, I recognize the importance of prioritizing self-care daily to improve my overall well-being. For instance, I allocate time for a 15-minute walk, reading, and a 10-minute yoga session. Breaking these activities into small time slots helps me avoid feeling overwhelmed. The crucial aspect is to identify what works best for you. If you only manage to do one thing for yourself each day, that's perfectly fine! Be kind to yourself and remember that it's acceptable. I didn't receive this message in my upbringing, and I'm also in the process of learning it.
Engage in activities that promote independence and personal growth
Ya'll it's tough, but I've resumed art lessons after over 30 years so far it's not very exciting but I am going to give it a shot. Also, I just participated in a photography contest, and while my photos didn't stand out compared to others, I'm still proud of my effort. I honestly didn't expect my work to be accepted, but it was, which I am excited about.
Seek therapy or counseling to work through underlying issues and at times, it is necessary to confront our fears and listen to the impartial truth. Bear in mind that you are in a private setting, and sometimes it is simpler to confide in a stranger about your experiences rather than someone familiar with you.
Practice mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques
This is quite challenging for me as I dislike being idle! I do not wish to engage in this because I would rather avoid the reality right in front of me. However, in order for me to progress in all aspects and secure a brighter future, I need to reflect on myself. During my daily walks in nature, I engage in mindfulness. Walking helps me clear my mind and soul, allowing me to gain clarity on how to progress emotionally.
Here are items I personally use daily for self care.
I love new balance shoes and I have worn them for years walking.
I use Dr Teals bath salt daily.
I really like Pure brand supplements this brand is fantastic. I take adrenal support, a multivitamin, vitamin E, and magnesium. Taking magnesium along with vitamin E every night is crucial for managing menopausal sleep issues at my age. Before beginning any new supplement regimen, it is essential to seek approval from your healthcare provider.
Keeping my mental and physical health in a positive state is heavily influenced by my diet.
I follow motivationaldoc on utube and Instagram for daily tips
please reach out on facebook or instagram with any questions.
Take care of YOU!!!
Until next time....
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